Posted in Film reviews

Fist Fight (2017)

 

In a very similar style in regards to Bad Neighbours 2 (2016), I kind of expected this film to be equal in stupid antics. I, unfortunately, was not disappointed.

This film was indeed filled with hair pulling, eye-rolling antics. But, unlike Bad Neighbours 2, I found myself actually enjoying the film. I laughed more than I probably have done in a while. But don’t mistake my laughter for enjoyment. Oh no. My laughter was because of the sheer stupidity of Adam Campbell (Charlie Day).

 

The film opens up with Adam arriving at school. Instantly we are told that Roosevelt High has gone to shit – the students have been allowed to run wild with their pranks, which include placing a laptop playing porn in the trophy cabinet, letting a horse high on meth run around the school, and cutting the grass on the field so there’s a picture of a penis.

Adam is shown to extremely passive, allowing a student to park in his spot without much of a complaint and shrugging it off as another one of their pranks.

He doesn’t really spend much time in the classroom teaching during the film. Instead, when we do see Adam teach, we see the gradual decline of his sanity (as they are placed at different times in the film) so his rehearsed speech gets worse every time. But it’s during the first speech that he realises the students have pulled another prank and have drawn graphic images on the whiteboard in sharpie.

All of this builds to the main event. Strickland (Ice Cube).

Strickland, for lack of a better word, is terrifying. Students in this god awful school watch on in silence. Nobody messes with Strickland. Which is probably what Adam, after Strickland asks for help, is reluctant to follow. But, like the bathroom mat he is, Adam lets Strickland walk all over him.

In the classroom, Strickland has been having problems with the TV. Unknown to him, a student has been pulling a prank by downloading a universal remote on his phone and turning the TV off periodically. Being the eagle-eyed observer, Adam quickly susses out the problem.

This is where we learn that nobody messes with Strickland. He grabs the students phone and throws it against the wall, shattering it to a million pieces. Finally, peace has been restored and Strickland resumes with putting the film on.

Except the student is handed another phone with the app and the prank continues. Strickland is now furious. Which is probably why he overreacts. He storms out of the classroom and comes back with an axe and attacks the students’ desk – thankfully now unoccupied.

“Snitches gets stitches”

– Strickland

Obviously, both teachers are pulled into the principal’s office to explain the situation where Adam promptly throws Strickland under the bus.

And that, my friends, is why Strickland challenges Adam to a fist fight.

The rest of the film is basically everything Adam tries to do to make sure this fight doesn’t happen. Inevitably, it does. I mean, it would be a shittier film if there wasn’t actually a fist fight at the end.

So yeah, the film wasn’t great. But what I can appreciate is the growth in Adam and the slight change in Strickland, which makes the film leagues better than Bad Neighbours 2. Adam stops being a wet blanket. He stops letting everyone walk over him and it is so. damn. satisfying.

Strickland doesn’t change much. but he does become a lot less hostile by the end of the film.

Of course, there is a lot more about the film I could discuss, like Adam’s daughter’s performance in the latter half of the film, or the truly cringe-worthy Holly and her pursuit to have sex with one of the students.

I mean, I could discuss how this film is a complete step back in all things feminist, but what would be the point? Yeah, the film featured some minor two-dimensional female characters, and yes they could have been a hell of a lot better. But it kind of worked for this film not to have it (mainly because the film focuses more on how men are really, really dumb sometimes -especially when they think the solution to all their problems lies at the end of their fists).

I guess, at the end of the day, you’ll just have to make up your own mind.

 

Image from

 

Posted in Film reviews

Logan (2017)

I can think of no better way for Hugh Jackman to retire from the role of Logan. This film had absolutely EVERYTHING. Violence, humour, brilliant acting, and so. much. sadness. Honestly, I’m so in love with this film. it is the X-Men film we deserve.

Warning: Spoilers ahead!

In this film, it is hinted at that there are no more mutants. It’s one of the few questions I had leaving the cinema, but a minor one at that. My guess is that they had been hunted down and killed, and therefore unable to become the next step for mankind because they were… well, dead.

When we meet over loveable, albeit extremely grumpy and a wee bit violent, hero, we discover that he’s dying. His regeneration abilities have slowed to the point where he might as well not have them. But we all know that Logan is old, so it’s not surprising that his age is finally catching up to him. We even know it’s coming for most of the film. He’s slower, stumbles frequently (especially when he’s in a fight), and unable to bounce back from multiple stab and bullet wounds. Drinking is no longer a habit, but medicine to numb the pain.

His only reason for not ending his life?

Charle Xavier.

Our favourite telepath (sorry Jean Grey) is 90. He’s suffering from seizures and memory loss. He’s irritable, snarky, and yet, even at his worst, I would still trust him with my life.

Logan’s only goal is to look after Charles because they are friends. No, that’s not quite the right word. Charlies is family. He provided Logan with a home full of people like him. So, of course, Logan won’t end his life whilst Charles is still around.

Together, they have established a life with Caliban living away from the rest of the human population. Whilst Caliban tends to Charles most of the time, Logan goes out into the world as a limo driver to earn money to purchase, primarily, medication to keep Charles from seizing, but also with the dream of buying a boat for them to live the rest of their days on.

Which is why Laura is such a huge impact on them. Her arrival forces a dynamic change within the group. Logan may still be the hostile man we’re all grown to love, but he’s not evil. Deep inside him, there’s this urge that he can’t help whenever he meets someone in need. Especially if they are a child. We saw it with Rogue in the original X-Men(2003) film, and we’re reminded of it again in Logan.

Of course, Logan doesn’t simply become this loving, doting father for Laura. He swears, drinks, fights, and… well, everything that makes him Logan, basically. But the longer he spends with her, you begin to feel this change, You begin to feel this more humane side of Logan come out as this little girl becomes more than a paycheck to him.

It’s why the last ten minutes of this film are so intense, so heart wrenching, that I found myself unable to move, even after the credits had stopped rolling and the staff had entered to clean the cinema for the next showing.

This film is beautiful. My only regret is that Fox had taken this long to produce a film worthy of the X-Men franchise.

This film had only gone to prove that we can have a more mature, darker superhero film without making them unrealistic.

At the end of the day, Logan is just a man in pain. We can all relate to that.

Here’s hoping that Fox continues the trends of Deadpool and Logan for any future superhero film.

Image from
Posted in Film reviews

The Lego Batman movie (2017)

Nobody had to tell me twice to go watch this film. Ever since The Lego Movie (2014) came out, I knew we were onto a winner.

What other franchise could create completely unique films with more cross-overs than Kingdom Hearts?

None. That’s who.

Sure Lego Batman is a children’s film, but like all children films, they are made to be family friendly. And like all great children’s films, there is more than enough jokes to entertain the adults too.

Lego Batman takes all the humour and fast-paced action from The Lego Movie and uses it to make fun of all the Batman films that have ever been made.

No, seriously. They actually make a pretty fantastic joke about all the previous incarnations Batman has had.

Just check it out yourself:

 

I won’t say much more on the subject, but if you’re a fan of Batman you should definitely check this film out.

Image from
Posted in Film reviews

Hacksaw Ridge (2016)

“With the world so set on tearing itself apart, it don’t seem like such a bad thing to me to want to put a little bit of it back together.”

-Desmond Doss

 

I’m not going to lie when I say that Andrew Garfield is the only reason why I went to see this film. War films are just… not my thing. They always seem to push a certain viewpoint – usually ‘America is great’ (see American Sniper, for example).

So you could say I was just waiting to be disappointed with this film. Only, I walked out of that cinema and I felt like had been the one coming back from war. This film is traumatic, to say the least.

And that’s why I enjoyed it so much.

So let’s begin with the plot.

The film follows Desmond Doss as he enlists in the army and goes to war without a gun. And (spoiler alert) he survives. 

It sounds ridiculous, and the entire time I sat in the cinema I was just expecting something awful to happen to this peaceful gent – because something always happens. That’s life.

Yet there I sat at the end of the film, bawling my eyes out and wondering if there really is a god watching out for us. Or, more likely, Desmond Doss was one of the luckiest son-of-a-bitch the world has ever faced – and thank god he went to Hacksaw Ridge.

Hacksaw Ridge was the perfect blend of traumatic and emotive. Without knowing too much about the real Doss, I can’t argue as to whether or not the film did a great job capturing him. I don’t even feel right talking

I don’t even feel right talking about the plot and the characters of this film because it’s based on real people. That’s someone’s life. analysing anything about the film just seems… rude (then again, that’s just me).

Sure there are things about the film I didn’t like, or absolutely hated. But when you watch something based on truth, it just feels wrong to make judgements on anything other than whether or not the visuals of the film are any good.

And on that front, Hacksaw Ridge nailed the visuals perfectly.

All I can urge you to do now is to the view the film yourself and make your own opinions.

Just be warned, the war is graphic. There is no respite.

Image from
Posted in Film reviews

xXx: The Return of Xander Cage (2017)

 

I decided to watch the latest in the xXx series on a whim. I’ve always enjoyed action films, but from what I can remember from the first film (and it has been a few years since I’ve seen it), it was basically Vin Diesel as bad boy American James Bond – you know, always in a fight and always with a lady.

And whilst that certainly did prove true with this film (Vin Diesel flirting with pretty much every female character, except Jane Marke, and even has two sex scenes – one of which involves multiple unnamed women at once). There’s a joke about it that’s delivered by Samuel L. Jackson – “Kick some ass, get the girl, and look dope whilst doing it.”

But xXx was surprisingly funny, and it actually featured more than one random woman whose only purpose is to be fucked by Vin Diesel, which is actually pretty fucking amazing for an action film.

On our roster of female characters, we have Adele (Ruby Rose), who’s a sure-shot BAMF (I mean, seriously. There’s a scene where she’s in a tree that’s just… watch it). It’s implied with a very artful ‘that’s what she said’ joke that she is a lesbian, which is amazing progress for action films in general.

We also have Serena (Deepika Padukone)  who, much like Adele, is a BAMF who can certainly handle herself. Although, unlike Adele, Serena’s appearance in one scene is made much sexier than any of the other characters to show that she is a ‘love’ interest. However, this is explained and is perfectly acceptable in the film because at that moment she is supposed to be relaxing – they’re at a party. She wouldn’t be dressed for the fight that eventually erupts, but she still manages to handle herself pretty well.

The fact that Adele and Serena also have one of the BEST female bonding moments over ‘trust’, of all things. It is hilariously and had me cheering in my seat for the duo to fuck off and start their own film series.

Becky, the tech girl (Nina Dobrev) is also a nice touch. Although her introduction to the film was more cringe than noteworthy to the series, Becky is a shining star in the film and even has a moment that makes her stand out in the film.

Now, yes, I did just spend a couple hundred words rambling on about kickass female characters of this film. But they really are the unique selling point… Without them, it would have been another dude-centric film with ‘dope’ (unrealistic) action scenes. Whilst it still has a long way to go with actual character development (because, honestly, there is none. At all. For any character) it’s a stepping stone to all future action films that I hope other director’s and studio’s take on board.

And honestly, I’m a little excited for any future xXx films – especially if they have all the current character’s return to the big screen.

Image from

 

Posted in Film reviews

Assassin’s Creed (2016)

Now, before I begin I think it’s important to admit that I have never played any of the Assassin’s Creed games. Nor have I ever read the book series. I walked into the theatre with a basic understanding of the game’s premise and the trailer in my mind.

Straight off the bat, I did enjoy this film. The fight scenes were incredible, Michael Fassbender’s acting was on point (as expected), the plot built at an even pace, and the ending resolved everything but left it open for further films.

I won’t go in depth as I have done with other reviews on this film because I think it is entirely unnecessary in this instance. My only quips were surface level things.

I should probably explain what I mean.

Watching the film, I couldn’t help but wonder what the ‘Apple’ was and why it was so important. If it were key to ridding the world of violence, then surely that’s a good thing? I can understand why it’s also completely and utterly stupid and naive to believe that it’s easily rid of, but the film is insistent that this is the only way. I mean, I didn’t get it. That, and the ‘villains’ of the story… their intentions were not 100% clear. Sofia only wanted to pursue this because of science, but her father was doing it for… power?

Anyway, it was confusing but ultimately not that important to the plot, apparently.

The other thing was the lack of female representation. There are only four female characters in the film. One assassin who has no lines but can kick ass, another that has some lines and also kicks butt, Sofia, and Ellen Kaye. Sofia and Ellen appear to have powerful positions within the film, Sofia being the head scientist and Ellen the leader(?) of the organisation after the ‘Apple’. That’s all fine and dandy, but they don’t speak to each other. I mean, Ellen and Sofia have a brief moment near the film’s end but… other than that. Nothing.

Don’t get me wrong, not every film needs to have female characters oozing from every corner in order to satisfy me. But having female characters that actually seem like… well, people would be a good start.

I guess that’s something else that doesn’t sit right with me about this film. Whilst it ticked a lot of boxes that make a good film for me, the characters were just not that likeable. Whilst Fassbender is a talented actor, I didn’t really understand his character. There’s no mention of the exact crime he committed, other than it warranted a death penalty, nor was it ever mentioned as to why he agreed so easily to do what the organisation wanted. At the end of the day, I don’t sympathise with him. And it’s the same feeling with all the characters in the film.

Basically, the film had promise but failed to deliver on one key aspect: Characters.

 

Posted in Film reviews

Passengers (2016)

 

When I saw the trailer for this, I will admit I was excited. Then it started to crop up on my Tumblr feed… and Facebook… and Twitter. And it was not good.

So I had to see it for myself. Surely it was just one of those things that everyone wanted to slate just for the hell of it. I mean, Tumblr is not exactly Jennifer Lawrence’s friend at the moment.

But this film is a huge disappointment. I sat and watched the near 2-hour film completely and utterly lost. Not the confused kind of lost, because I could have certainly handled that, but the kind of lost where you sit and wonder how such a film could have been made.

Now, for those of you who would like to remain spoiler free, I suggest you leave now.

The trailer made this film look like it was going to be a rom-com with a twist, that twist being a near-death experience with space. It looked like it had an interesting premise and I was excited to see how two strangers managed to wake up well before anybody else as well as the circumstances leading up to the explosions and ship malfunctions the trailer promised. So I sat with eager anticipation as the trailers flew by, waiting to have this puzzle solved.

The film, pleasantly enough, begins by demonstrating the self-maintenance properties the ship holds. After a little meteor hits the ships force-field, the ship quickly repairs the damage. This would be all fine and dandy, except the ship, unable to alter its own course, is heading through a massive meteor belt which relentlessly bashes into the force-field giving it no chance to recover and ends up penetrating the ship. This leads to Jim Preston’s (Chris Pratt) pod malfunctioning and waking him from hibernation 90 years earlier than expected. On his own, Jim tries to find answers. Unable to enter the control centre, Jim eventually resigns to his solitude with only the company of the bar’s android to keep him partially sane.

A year passes. Jim finds a space suit and decides to go on a space walk because, you know, who wouldn’t? After seeing the beautiful views of space, Jim decides that he can’t take the solitude any longer and walks into the containment. He is literally seconds away from pulling the plug on his life and blissfully floating in space for the rest of eternity when he changes his mind and drunk charges back to the room with all the pods where he stumbles upon… you guessed it, Aurora (Jennifer Lawrence). He then spends a few months deliberating as to whether or not he should open her pod to relieve his own depression and also because apparently men can’t keep it in their pants.

He opens the pod by messing around with the system and Aurora wakes up confused and upset that she will never get to write her story. Thankfully he doesn’t lie to her and tell her that he just woke up, admitting that his pod malfunctioned a year ago. She’s compassionate, but unwilling to resign as he has and continues to try and reach the control centre to find out what happened. Eventually, even she loses interest and resigns herself to spending the rest of her life with Jim.

Then, on Aurora’s birthday as Jim plans to propose, the bar android lets slip that Jim deliberated opening her pod for months before doing so. Thankfully, they don’t underplay her reaction. She literally beats the shit out of him when she finds out and then proceeds to ignore his very existence. In a bid to win her attention, Jim decides to plant one of the trees he’s found (along with hundreds of other plantation destined for the new planet) on the main deck to impress her.

It’s shortly after this moment that the ship’s captain wakes up, quickly figures out why Jim’s pod malfunctioned in the first place and that he tampered with Aurora’s, before finally informing them that the ship is slowing malfunctioning all over and that they needed to figure out what happened and fix it before it killed everyone on board. After pointing them in the right direction, he promptly dies from complications of his own pod malfunctioning (how convienent).

Aurora and Jim then fix the ship up, continue to plant trees and other plants on the main deck to the point that, when the crew finally awaken from their own slumber at the end of the film, the main deck is transformed into a jungle.

That’s it.

Now here are my problems with the film. It is said that there are 5,000 people, excluding crew, on the ship travelling to the new planet. Many of them have desirable skills, or a willingness to learn these skills, that will enable them to help create a new home on the planet. Whilst it can be assumed that this was the majority on the ship, a small minority would also be those wanting a new life.

Now, what are the chances of someone waking up with the fore-knowledge and ability to fix the ship? Slim to fucking none.

Yet, that’s exactly what happens with Jim. He wakes up and quickly sets about trying to fix his pod so he can go back to sleep. It’s such a wonderful coincidence that out of all the passengers on the ship, he’s the one that does.

The second thing that irritated me was the fact that Jim had clearly visited the pod bay before, possibly on multiple occasions, before stumbling across Aurora. I say this, not because it is shown or explicitly said, but because Jim is able to recall information on other passengers just by glancing quickly at their information when playing a game of ‘Guess Who’ with Aurora. So surely he would have stumbled upon her sooner?

Not that I would have approved either way. He makes the selfish act of waking her and, whilst her initial reaction was appropriate, she also forgives him. She forgives him because she watches a video message from home where a friend begs her to open her heart. So she does… to the guy that doomed her to death in space and basically stalked her for months on end. Basically, she settled for him even though he offered to put her back to sleep and spend the rest of his life in solitude.

I can understand the premise. He made a bad call from even worse intentions, but the situation was understandable. He was lonely. Wouldn’t we all make the same call under similar situation?

Personally, no. After the initial panic had ended and I realised there was literally nothing I could do, I would have set my sights on awaking a crew member to help me fix the ship. They would have understood, given the circumstances and eventually, we would have fixed the ship before it threatened to blow up and found a way to both return to hibernation because… you know, if one pod fails then surely something big is wrong with the system.

Also, the fact that Jim kept messing with ship struck a nerve. Now, I know absolutely nothing about ships but surely messing with the wiring to plant a tree, trying to bash the door (that’s locked for a good reason) would have a knock-on effect on the ships deteriorating systems, no? Other than the Captain asking who planted the tree, there is no mention of Jim’s inability to stop messing about with the ship.

Finally, and what pissed me off the most, coming out of the cinema I realised I was sold a lie. This film was not funny. The romance was forced, at best, and eventually, you settle for the incredibly fabricated semblance of romantic feelings between the two. The thriller aspect was god awful. I was more on the edge of my seat watching Chris Pratt approach Jennifer Lawrence in the canteen after the ‘big’ reveal because he genuinely looked like he was about to murder her than I was watching them try and fix the ship at the film’s climax. And don’t get me started on the ending.

Honestly, this is probably one of the worst films I have seen this year and we have barely begun. Visually, it is perfect. Could not fault it. But the story line was terrible. At the end of the day, you can settle for a film that’s not visually perfect if the story is incredible,  but Passengers got the mixture wrong and, like the Titanic, it sunk.

 

Image from
Posted in Film reviews

The Boss (2016)

There are quite a few films out there that don’t appeal to me. This was kind of one of them.

I mean, the trailer looked decent. I love Melissa McCarthy, but I can say with certainty that there are some films she’s in that I hate (I’m looking at you Bridesmaids (2011). So I kind of went to see this just because I wanted to see what it was like.

And I was completely and utterly disappointed in it. I honestly wanted to love it. But the humour… It was just stupid. I couldn’t fully immerse myself in the film and I found myself checking the time on my phone every couple of minutes – which is never a good sign.

Whilst I do honestly and truly love Melissa McCarthy and will continue to support her career, I’m just not a fan of this film.

 

 

Image from
Posted in Film reviews

Suicide Squad (2016)

Now this was a film I’ve been looking forward to since it was announced. Suicide Squad promised to be an action-packed blockbuster with a lot of comedy thrown into the mix… you know, basically the DC universe’s answer to Marvel’s Deadpool (2016). And the trailer really sold the film. But even whilst I devoured every trailer on YouTube, I didn’t really understand what the plot of the film was going to be. There seemed to be a focus on Harley Quinn and her crazy antics, destruction, and more Harley Quinn. It was both a good tactic and a bad one on Warner Brother’s part. Good because it meant I was thoroughly pumped to find out. Bad because… well, the film was kind of lack luster.

Now if you would like to keep the film a mystery, I suggest you find another review to read because I’m about to spill everything about this film.

From the get go, this film promised a lot. It promised the infamous Harley Quinn in all her glory (which we got), the Joker up to his usual psychotic tricks (which we partially got), a whole lot of tension between the ‘good’ guys and our anti-heroes (if we can really call them that), and a hell of a lot of action (yeah, not so much). Plus the usual hints of a big old baddie to fight, and our favorite caped crusader making an appearance.

All of this led me to believe that, you know, the ‘anti-heroes’ of the film would escape Waller’s control and go on a team rampage of whatever city this films set in (because they never make it clear which one this is all going down in). They would do what they do best; plot, murder, and steal until our local bat swoops in to stop them – and you know, build up more hype for the upcoming Justice League film.

Then the rumours started (and by that I mean a toy company released an Suicide Squad themed toy line) that the Joker would be taking the mantle from our Dark Knight, which was certainly an interesting idea to toy with. It made me think that maybe this film was actually set before Batman V Superman (2016),

But no. None of these thoughts actually occurred in the film.

So here’s a quick run down of how the film really went down:

We open up with Amanda Waller (played by the magnificent Viola Davies) vouching for the creation of the squad, allowing for a convenient place to insert a whole lot backstory for our mass-murdering troupe.

So we have:

  • Deadshot (played by Will Smith), a never-miss assassin who’s only blind-spot is his daughter, which is conveniently used by the Bat to arrest him.
  • Killer Croc (played by Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje), a guy who… you know what, I don’t even remember how or if they explained his origins or how he was arrested, but he’s a bloke that’s part croc that likes to eat people. So yeah, there’s that.
  • Captain Boomerang (played by Jai Courtney), an Aussie diamond thief who’s captured by the resident speedster when he comes across the pond for new thieving grounds.
  • El Diablo (played by Jay Hernandez), a fire breathing mob boss who turns himself in after a heated argument with his wife, leading to a fiery death of both the unnamed woman and their children.
  • Harley Quinn (played by Margot Robbie), a one time therapist of Mr J turned psycho assistant. She’s brought in by the Knight himself when the Joker tries to evade capture by driving their car into a river, despite Harley crying out that she can’t swim.
  • Slipknot (played by Adam Beach)… yeah, I don’t really know his significance. He last 5 minutes on the team before having his head blown off for trying to escape.
  • Katana (played by Karen Fukuhara), a woman who, funnily enough, wields a magical Katana. She’s not a villain – well, it really depends on your outlook – but she’s only included in this team to protect Rick Flag.
  • Rick Flag (played by Joel Kinnaman) an army special forces officer pulled in to lead the squad on their daring missions, but mainly because Waller can manipulate him due to his relationship with June Moone. Which brings us to our final member:
  • Enchantress (played by Cara Delevingne) is an evil force possessing the body of archaeologist June Moone who had a serious case of in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Now did you notice that during role call that only two of them were given a reason to want to behave? Deadshot with his daughter and Rick Flag with June? Yeah, that’s because to keep the most deadly bunch of thugs in line you only need to blackmail two of them.

Up until this point, the film has been mildly entertaining. You get to see Harley in action and Will Smith prove that he will always be a smooth talking motherfucker in every film he appears in. But from here on out the film changes. In order to keep up with every other action and superhero film on the market, stakes are introduced.

So whilst Waller in pitching the squad to a board of directors, it’s revealed she has Enchantress’ heart under lock and key and basically enslaving a big ball of evil. Obviously the one thing you don’t want to do when you have control is piss off the woman with unfathomable power, but this is Amanda Waller we’re talking about. Her life revolves around pissing people off. So obviously Enchantress has her own plans in motion. She steals a very similar bottle that her spirit was held in from Waller’s home and releases her brother, who remains completely nameless throughout the entirety of the film. ‘Brother’ then helps Enchantress shrug off the pull her heart has so Waller can’t kill her. They then start playing destruction with the unnamed city.

This is where our team fits in. They’re all suited and booted (by that I mean planted with a bomb in their neck and given their wardrobe from when they were arrested) and sent out into the battle zone where they face… I’m not entirely sure what. Zombies? Animated charred remains? Whatever, the point is they’re being attacked. Captain Boomerang and Slipknot attempt to escape where Boomerang does do much but talk and Slipknot actually tries to escape – and get his head blown off in the process (see, I told you he didn’t last long).

Clearly baffled about what’s going on, nobody tries to get to the bottom of it. Nobody tries to find out what their mission is and instead the bumble along fighting the dead things until they get to their destination. Harley Quinn decides to take the elevator rather than walk the stairs (how she knew which floor to go on I’ll never know) and has one of the best fight scenes in the entire film, showcasing how superb Harley really is.

Oh! I forgot, whilst all this is going on, the Joker has been hatching his own plan to get Harley out – only to find she’s on the Suicide Squad. So he beats the shit out of a prison officer who slips Harley a phone, whilst plans her escape by capturing the guy who designed the bomb.

Yeah.

So Harley receives a text telling her that her pudding is nearby and ready to carry her home. The Squad then discover that their super urgent, super important mission was to rescue Waller from her office – where she promptly kills everyone working with her. The squad aren’t even slightly fazed by this – a little pissed, yes. But not fazed.

They then go to the roof top to wave goodbye to Waller, except the Joker has swiped their helicopter and uses it to run off with Harley. Waller orders Deadshot to shoot Harley and he misses. Pissed off, Waller orders the copter to be shot out of the sky. Harley manages to escape (barely) but the Joker goes down with it.

Another copter is called for with Waller promising to send another once she’s out (ha, as if she would do that) before being promptly shot out of the sky.

They then go to the crashed site and find Harley, who promptly rejoins them like nothing has ever happened. Deadshot finally finds their case studies – a massive binder- and reads it all within seconds before confronting Flag about their real mission. He then tells them, kind of, about the situation, especially now that it looks like Waller is out of the picture.

Finally they set their sights on Enchantress. The whole sequence of events is so horrific, it’s almost comical.

Normally, big baddie is, you know, big and bad. Enchantress is not. Whilst her brother embodies everything that  you assume from ‘big baddie’, he’s defeated relatively quickly with El Diablo sacrificing himself for his new ‘family’ (hahaha, the guys only known them for 5 minutes. How believable). Enchantress, with her heart back in her body, becomes the main threat but… she doesn’t do anything other than control the reanimated dead and this big beam of light. It’s not explained what it is, or her plan further than the destruction of the human race. She talks briefly of turning the human ‘s machines against them, but nothing further than this is mentioned.

Harley then pretends to change sides (which is completely believable due to the fact she’s already abandoned the team once) before using Katana’s Katana to slice the witch’s heart out of her body (because logic). Then in a sequence of events that is more confusing than the entire plot of Inception(2010), something (a bomb?) is thrown at the big beam of light and Deadshot takes aim. In a moment of pure desperation, Enchantress sends him a vision of his beloved daughter begging him not to shoot. You know, instead of some of the creatures she created or anything at all useful to herself. Deadshot ignores his daughter and shoots the bomb.

Rick Flag, now in the possession of Enchantress’ heart (honestly, you try better to figure this shit out) decides to squash it, effectively killing the demonic freak and her host body. But that’s all fine because sweet little June gave Rick her permission to kill her if it meant being rid of Enchantress earlier in the film. So her does it and Enchantress is killed. The world is right again! Harley and Rick can bond over the fact their loved ones just died!

Except June promptly starts moving because they successfully managed to kill Enchantress without killing June – yay?

Anyway, Waller walks back in like nothing ever happened and tells the squad they’re all going back to jail because hahaha, were they really naive to believe they would be let out after everything?

Everyone starts negotiating better deals – Harley and espresso machine in her cell, Killer Croc a TV, Deadshot time to see his daughter, and all of it is granted. Well, except for Captain Boomerang who decides to ask for his freedom and is promptly rejected and put into solitary confinement.

Then, to keep in theme with the completely ridiculous ending, the Joker breaks into the prison and escapes with Harley. How did he survive? No one fucking knows, not even Jared Leto.

So, to sum up this masterpiece of pure and utter shit – they nailed the trailer’s in spectacular fashion but lost their footing on the final product. I can honestly say that this is one of the biggest disappointments I have ever experienced from a superhero film. They tried to rush something that could have easily been a huge success. The chopped off parts and fixed it together in a Frankenstein’s monster.

But at least the soundtrack is good.

 

Image from
Posted in Film reviews

Ghostbusters (2016)

I don’t understand why everyone was getting their knickers in a twist about this. It’s a remake with women – so? Remakes happen all the god damn time, I mean look at Batman. Look at how many times Spiderman has been remade in the last twenty years! It’s about time remakes added something new to make them special again.

Now this film was… okay at best. It’s not the best film I have ever seen, but it certainly isn’t the worst. It was just average. I walked out of the cinema and went ‘meh’, which I’m pretty sure I did with the original (although not as I walked out the cinema, I’m not that old).

What I will say is that it is fantastic representation of women, which I’m all for (you know, being a woman myself sick and tired of seeing only a certain type of woman portrayed in media). These women are intellectuals, even Patty whose painted as the streetwise, sassy one. She’s a history buff and prides herself on knowing the streets of New York better than anyone (which is a much better role in the film than the trailer painted).

These women are shown to be humans throughout. There are no special treatments because they have ‘boobs’, in fact they are treated like shit throughout irregardless. They are called insane for their beliefs, liars for providing proof, and used as scapegoats at the end of the film.

Really, if there wasn’t such outrage to the Ghostbusters being women and such media coverage, this film probably would have gone unnoticed. It wasn’t magnificent. It was average, which is quickly becoming a trend within Hollywood.

I really can’t remember the last time I sat and watched a film and was lost for words.