Here was me thinking that I had everything planned for post-university life, but no. Somebody (me) decided to throw a wrench into that plan.
A year ago, I wanted to apply for the HarperCollins Graduate Internship Scheme. It was the only thing I wanted. By the time the applications opened, I began to apply and then I… stopped. It really wasn’t what I wanted anymore.
Don’t get me wrong. The internship sounded amazing and my dream is to work with HarperCollins in some shape and form, but it wasn’t for me. Not anymore. I knew from working on The Gallion (a student-led creative writing anthology) that editing is not for me. As much as I love reading other writer’s work, the moment I put my editing glasses on I found it completely draining. The work I liked in the beginning, I ended up hating due to the sheer amount of errors I was finding.
So I knew the internship wasn’t for me. But now I’m kind of just floating in an abyss with no idea what to d next.
I know I want to write a novel this year and I’ve actually made headway in that aspect. But that doesn’t bring in the bacon. I need to become financially stable so I can help around the house and actually fund some of the research I want to go on for my novel (well, it’s more of an accessory to the writing, but still).
I’ve considered a wide range of jobs and have only applied to one so far (it’s one I really, really want. The job could not be more perfect for me). I’m sort of self-sabotaging myself at this point. I’m not chasing after the things I want to do because I know that once I do… that’s it. I’m in the rat race and I probably won’t be leaving till I’m old and frail and wondering what happened to my life. I’ll regret never writing the novel, or going on those epic journeys of self-discovery that movies love to dedicate to women in their 20s.
So yes, this is my bump in the road. I’ve derailed my life slightly, but isn’t that the point? No road is ever perfectly paved. There are cracks and bumps that make your journey a little more difficult. But you have to remember why you started down that road in the first place.
I went to University because my passion is to write. I wanted to better my craft and meet like minded people. I don’t want to stop doing that. I don’t ever want to give up on something that brings me so much joy and excitement.
So I need to persevere. I need to stop making excuses for myself because, yes. There is time – there always has been time. I need to stop fearing success and start trying to achieve it.