Fuck ‘new year, new me.’ Fuck changing everything about myself because it’s a new year. Who actually does that? I’ve spent the last couple of months pretending that I’ve changed. Pretending that just because I wrote things down for all the world to see meant I would actually stick to something. Clearly, that hasn’t worked well for me.
Besides, reinventing yourself year after year are for people unsatisfied with the person they are. I’m not. Unsatisfied, that is. I actually like who I am. Sure, I could start exercising more (because I’m really tired of being breathless walking up a flight of stairs) or eating better food (seriously, I shovel junk food down my throat as if tomorrow is never going to arrive), I could even write more or spend more time focusing on my studies. But just because I’ve said it doesn’t mean I’ll stick to it. It just becomes another chance for me to make excuses, to put off doing something I genuinely want to do for myself.
But I’m scared. Which is completely, and utterly ridiculous in the grand scheme of things. Why should I be scared of chasing something I really, really want? And I don’t have an answer for that. In fact, I don’t have a single fucking clue. But I know I need to stop sabotaging myself. I need to give myself a chance to shine but I’m not doing it simply because it’s a new year. In fact, waiting for a new year to start in order to get your shit together is simply ridiculous notion. It’s a coincidence that I’m making this post in January. But I still owe it to myself to try.
It’s time I stop kidding myself and finally start chasing my dreams. 2017 will be the year I stop lying to myself and start working towards the things I actually want in life. Hopefully, I will keep to that commitment.