Today has been an unproductive day for me, so really there is nothing new there. Really, with deadlines and a new job, I’ve lacked creativity and motivation to keep up the blog. I’m more surprised that I’ve managed to update two days in a row.
But really, I need to stop focusing on how bad things have gotten and change my perspectives. So here it is.
Today I’ve spent crocheting – boring, I know but it brings me this sense of calm that nothing else can. I feel like I’m being unproductive, especially as I’m binge watching Skins at the moment, but then I turn around and see the growing pile of crochet squares that will eventually arrange into a blanket.
I like that kind of anecdote. The ones where you can’t see how far you’ve come until you reflect on it. Usually, they come with climbing hills or mountains or whatever, but mines a bit more literal.
The same is with writing. I get so focused on coming up with ideas and plans that I get frustrated because I feel like I’ve gone nowhere with it. The stories are always so visual in my head and never complete that I feel like I have to jot a plan down before I write. On reflection, I’ve always nearly written elaborate plots that could easily be transformed into a first draft if I just expand the writing. It’s a problem I need to work on.
I also need to work on writing the useless scenes – the scenes that will never make it into the book. These scenes are for no one but me. They’re to help me learn my characters, to develop a relationship with them that nobody can question. I always feel like I don’t know my characters well enough. I’ve written about Princess whose motivations are a mystery to me. Does she want to be Queen? Does she want to fight? I have no idea and I find myself flicking between everything in between every time I write. I have no idea of her characteristics and it drives me mad.
But like I said, I need to get used to just writing no matter how shit the end result is. I need to stop focusing on producing the perfect first draft and the constant rewriting of chapters and just get fucking on with it.
I said to myself at the beginning of the month that I would go out and embrace May. That I would do something different. So far, I have not kept that promise to myself. I did go see The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time and it was fantastic. I’m not sure if I will write a review about it or not, but it’s definitely something I’ll consider writing.
Going to see Wicked has been somewhat postponed. I start working full-time on Monday, so pretty much every weekday is out of the question.As for weekends, my flatmate has a friend from home round and next weekend is Busted. As for the first weekend in June, she would have moved out by then and I’ll either be in my new flat or preparing to move (I’m hoping it’s the first one).
I didn’t mean to write that much today. It’s kind of spewed out onto the page and I really can’t seem to stop myself from writing. Anyway, I’m going to force myself to, as Elsa once sung, ‘Let it Go’ and get back to doing something more productive (like reviewing the two films I’ve seen the last couple of weeks).
I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned this, but if you’re reading this then… thank you. I really do appreciate you taking your time and reading the drivel that spills from out of my head.