I’m quite proud of myself. I’ve actually made a substantial dent into my essay, having completed the first draft last night.
Of course, this morning I realized that the first draft was actually the most hideous pile of crap I have ever written in my life, but whatever.
I’ve spent today being a bit more cautious to the structure of my essay and I actually has helped. Now instead of being a quote filled mess, it actually has a point and a conclusion to every paragraph.
I’ve also been incredibly restless today due to the constant interruptions from my own brain reminding me that I am finally going home tomorrow (and the really random text from my older brother telling me he has an awesome birthday present lined up for me – which is just plain old mean). To say I’m getting a little excited is an understatement.
What I haven’t been looking forward to is turning 20. I realized yesterday that my dread seriously stems from being perceived as older than I am for far too many years. I don’t feel like I’m hitting 20, but more like 30 – which probably explains why I keep thinking I’m going through a mid-life crisis.
My friends have been badgering me for my plans for my birthday. Is it bad that I had thought of nothing to do with them, my main concern being to spend time with my family?
All I have asked of them is to have dinner together – whether it be at home or at a restaurant. I don’t really care other than that.
My friends have been a little surprised as every year except this one I’m excited about my birthday. I have everything planned from what I’m doing with them and what I’m doing with my family. One year, I had it down as a three day celebration.
I really can’t describe what the change has been. I feel like it might have something to do with not seeing my family in ages. It’s starting to feel like I’m a real adult where I do not necessarily have to go home to mum and dad to celebrate. I could literally stay at the flat and not seem them if that’s what I wanted.
But I do. Because at the end of the day, I’m still a kid. I do not have enough life experience to handle celebrating my birthday on my own.
That, and I’m starting to talk to myself, which is not a good sign.